Faith
by FallingStar93
Summary: When Jesse's life comes crashing down around him, he has only one thing left: Faith. Includes Young!Jesse... INDEFINITE HIATUS Sorry. See Profile for Details.
1. Chapter 1 Divorce and Death

**Title:** Faith

**Summary: **When Jesse's life comes crashing down around him, he has only one thing left: Faith. Includes Young!Jesse.

**Rating:** T for tragedy, violence, and slightly mature themes (No, not sex; I don't write that kind of stuff.).

**Disclaimer**: I only own the plot. If I actually owned the show, I wouldn't be writting fanfiction, now would I? Of course not, 'cause this would be in an episode somewhere instead. I do, however, own the unnamed guy. But, seeing as how he has no name, he's rather hard to steal, so I'm not too worried. As for Jesse's friend? Meh, I could care less if you steal her. ;)

**A/N:** Slightly AU considering not much is known about Jesse's past, and the fact that it's a little bit more modern (It's mentioned that he has a cell phone). Though it seems like a bit of a dead fandom (so depressing!), I couldn't help but write this anyway. Not the first fic I've written, but definitely the first DM fic. Read, enjoy, and review if the notion strikes ya.

* * *

_Part One - Divorce and Death_

Fourteen-year old Jesse Travis crouched out of sight in the hallway outside the living room of his house. Inside the room sat his mother and a strange man in a drab, black suit who had come to speak with her. Not knowing the man, what else was he do but eavesdrop from the doorway since he hadn't been invited in?

"I'm sorry to be bring you such unpleasant news, Dr. Travis, but-" a shuffling of papers accompanied the voice- "I'm afraid it has to be done."

A stiffled sob. "What? I - I don't understand... This is so sudden! _Why?"_

A sigh. "I'm sorry. Dane didn't tell me the reason for this. He just told me to do it. Said it was for the best..."

"_The best?_ _Leaving _is 'for the _best_?'"

Jesse didn't hear the man's explanation - if there even had been one - as the realization hit him like a ton of bricks. His dad wasn't coming home ever again. And it had been his dad's choice. Jesse couldn't believe it. Just that morning as he had left for work, Dane had said, "I'll see you when I get home from work, Jess. I should be home in time to take you to the football game, 'kay?" Jesse had been waiting for his dad to have time to take him to a game all season so he had hardly been able to concentrate in school that day in anticipation. But now... The game tonight was the last thing on his mind. His father had lied to him. He had already known he wasn't going to see his son after school; he had already known he wouldn't be taking his son to the game. Dane had lied.

And it hurt. Not that he shouldn't be used to it, he supposed; his dad was always going back on promises. But this time it was different. This time his father wouldn't be trying to patch up the broken promise with other promises. He wasn't ever going to see his father again.

Tears threatened the corners of his eyes, but he refused to cry; no, he was too old for that. Instead, he silently stood to his feet and, taking the stairs two at a time, retreated to his bedroom. Sitting down at his desk, he pulled his math binder out of his school bag. He needed something - _anything _- to distract himself, and, while math certainly wasn't his favorite subject, he hoped it would do since he didn't have any science homework. He had almost completed the lengthy assignment before the knock he had been waiting for - _dreading _- sounded on the closed door of his room.

"Jesse?" his mother spoke softly as she opened the door. "There's something I need to tell you, son... Dad's not gonna be able to take you to the game tonight... I know it's disappointing, but there will be other games, sweeheart."

Jesse put his pencil down, sighing. "No, there won't be," he whispered bitterly. "For one thing, tonight is the last regular season game. If they don't win tonight, they won't make the play-offs. For another, I already know he walked out. I heard what that guy said. Dad's not coming back."

His mother sighed, running a hand through her hair. "It's true," she confirmed after a moment of tense silence.

"Why didn't you just tell me? It's not like I'm not old enough to understand. Even if I hadn't overheard, I would have figured it out when he didn't come home."

"I know, Jesse. I'm sorry. You're right; I should have just told you... I just... wanted to spare you the hurt, that's all."

"Can't protect me forever, Mom."

She came up behind him, wrapping her arms loosely around his shoulders, and kissed the top of his head. "I love you, Jesse. You know that, right?"

"Yeah. I know. I love you, too, Mom."

* * *

"Jesse! Man, where were you Friday? You missed the most epic win in overtime ever!"

Jesse stared down at the floor as he closed his locker door, sighing. "Couldn't make it Kylie."

"Well, obviously! What? You're dad bale on you again?"

"Kind of..."

"What happened?"

"Long story."

"We still have five minutes 'til class starts. And your 'long stories' are never longer than about three minutes. Therefore, we have time. Spill. What was it this time? Meeting went late? Bad traffic?"

Jesse grimaced, interrupting his best friend's list of all the reasons his father had given over the last few months alone as he spat out, "He walked out."

Kylie was dumbfounded. It took her a moment to find her voice again. When she did, she could only whisper, "What?"

"He. Walked. Out," Jesse ground out slowly.

"You mean, like, _divorce?"_

The blonde could only nod in reply.

"Oh, man. Jesse, I'm sorry..."

"Whatever," Jesse grumbled. "He was hardly around anyway. Won't be much different than before."

The two friends stood in an uncomfortable silence for a minute until the warning bell rang for first period. "Hey, Jesse?" Kylie stated as they headed down the hall. "You do realize that three words doesn't qualify as a 'long story,' right? I mean even for you..."

Jesse couldn't help but smile slightly. "Kylie? Shut up."

* * *

"So, Jesse, you should go with me to this party tonight..."

Jesse rose an eyebrow over his tuna salad sandwich. "Are you nuts?"

"Oh, come on! A little alcohol to drown your sorrows... You could definitely use it, my friend; you've been out of it all week."

"For one thing, my mom would kill me if she ever found out. For another, I can't drive."

"So what if you can't drive yet? That's the joy of my having an older brother! How did you think I get to these parties? As for your mom... tell her you're working on a project and won't be home 'til late. She'll never know..."

"I can't lie to my mom, Kylie. But if you really need a better reason than that, how's 'I don't drink' for one?"

"Ah, c'mon! There's always a first time for everything!"

"Well, tonight's not going to be." He took another bite. "Plus, I have an Algebra test Monday."

Kylie sighed. "You're no fun. Studying on a Friday night."

"I'd just rather pass the test, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." A moment of silence passed. "You sure you don't wanna go?"

"YES."

* * *

Jesse lie awake, staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep that night. The clock would have told him it was far later than he wanted to know had he looked at it. But he didn't want to know. He couldn't sleep, and he knew looking at the time would just make him all the more restless. If only he could just get his father out of his head for five minutes... But he couldn't.

He couldn't stop thinking about that time his father had taken him to Disneyland for an entire week during the winter. Just the two of them. His father had gone on any and every ride that Jesse had wanted to go on - even though his father, at the age of 39, had hated rollarcoasters and, at the age of nine, Jesse had loved them. He had eaten all the cottoncandy and hotdogs he could handle, though his mother never would have allowed it had she been there. Going back to Minnesota at the end of the week had been torture - especially since when their plane landed it had been snowing. But what Jesse remembered the most - the reason he had loved that vaction so much - was because his dad had actually taken time off from work to spend just with him.

Then there was that one summer - two years ago actually - when they had gone to Los Angeles. His father had grown up along the coast, and they had rented a house along the beach for two weeks. That was the summer that - although Jesse was sure he would never have the opportunity to do it again - his father had taught him how to surf. Though he was pretty horrible at it at first, he had quickly caught on; after that, surfing had been so much fun it was difficult for anyone to pull him away from it.

Jesse rolled over onto his stomach and gave the clock on his bedside table a quick glance. 3:04 A.M. Just great. He sighed; it was useless to try to sleep now. Seeing the early hour of the morning gleaming in bright red combined with his restless thoughts made the act absolutely impossible. Sighing, he rolled out of bed, grabbed his cell phone as he slipped on a pair of old Nikes, and headed for his window. He knew from experience that taking a walk helped clear his mind so he could at least get an hour or two of sleep before he had to get up again. Unfortunately, he couldn't just go out the front door; he also knew from experience that his mother would hear him attempting to leave. Climbing down the tree outside his window, on the other hand, gave no indication that he was leaving or coming back, unlike the creak of the front door.

His feet hit the dying grass below the tree, and he started off, unconsciously, in the direction of Kyle's house a dozen or so blocks away. Very few people anywhere in the town were out at that time so he wasn't worried about being seen and someone informing his mother of his escapades; he was basically free to go wherever he felt like. In a town this size, there wasn't much trouble for him to get into, after all. He had walked a few streets away from his house before he saw a car. At first he panicked; then he recognized the car as the one belonging to Kylie's older brother, Todd. If they saw him, no harm done - especially considering they had wanted to take him along with them to the party, he knew they wouldn't say a word about seeing him out this early in the morning.

As the car pulled away from the stop sign, another car came into view at the same moment as it turned, tires screeching, onto the cross street from only a block away, zooming much too quickly in their direction - and it appeared to have no intention of heading the stop sign. As Jesse watched in horror, the second car slammed into the one carrying his friend. The result was instantly devastating.

Both cars skidded to a stop on the edge of the intersection, the passager side of Todd's car and the hood of the other completely dented in and destroyed beyond repair. Jesse waited with baited breath for an agonizing moment, waiting futilely for someone to get out of one of the cars, for any sign that the occupants of the car were still alive. But it was soon apparent that no one was going to get out of either car. Jesse did the only thing he could think of at the moment: He whipped out his cell phone and dialled 911 as he tore over to the accident. He knew he wouldn't be able to help, but he needed to know if his friend was all right.

"911, what is your emergency?" a calm voice answered.

Jesse had just reached the cars. "There's been a car accident... Intersection of Maple and 9th street!"

"Just stay calm, sir. I'm dispatching an ambulance right now. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I-I don't know... I was a street away... One car just hit the other... Wasn't paying attention to the stop sign... Driver was going way too fast..." Jesse chocked out as he glanced into the car where Kylie, Todd, and two people he didn't recoginze were unconcious. "N-no one is moving inside..."

"Are the engines still running?"

"Uhm. Yes."

"Then you need to get away from the cars, sir. If there's a gas leak..."

"You don't understand! My friend and his brother, they were in the car that was hit!"

"I do understand, sir, but I don't want you to get hurt -"

Jesse was sure the lady was still talking, but he didn't hear whatever it was she said as he dropped his phone to the ground. "Kylie?" He reached into the back seat of the car through an open window and grabbed his friend's wrist, relief flooding his senses as he found a weak pulse. "Kylie?" he spoke again, his voice still strained. "Kylie, please wake up. Please, you've gotta..."

As if she had heard her friend's pleading, Kylie moaned and slowly opened her dark eyes. "Jesse? What happened? What are you doing here?"

"Y-you got hit by another car... I... I was out walking..."

"No wonder you're always so tired at school... You sure keep weird hours," Kylie attempted to joke.

"Don't worry; help's coming..." Jesse trailled off as she started coughing.

"Too bad it won't be here in time..."

Jesse's eyes widened. "Don't say that! It _will _get here in time! I know it will!"

"Guess it was just Fate, huh? I never managed to take my own life, but here I am, dying now anyway... Hey, Jesse?" Kylie coughed. "I know life's Hell for you right now, but stay strong for me, okay? Have faith. You're gonna make it through. ...Even if I can't..."

"NO! Don't you dare give up! Not now!"

She gave a breathy laugh. "I don't have much of choice right now, Jesse. You're gonna live through this. Just don't give up. ...You remember when we were younger, and we were asked what we were gonna be when we grew up?"

Jesse's laugh at the memory came out as a strangled sob. "I failed that assignment. What's your point?"

Kylie smiled. "Yeah. 'Cause you wrote 'Something great' on your paper. Don't give up, Jesse. You can still be something great. Without me here." The smile quickly faded, replaced by a grimace of pain. "See you someday, Jesse." With those words, Kylie breathed her last and was still.

"Kylie?" Jesse whispered. "No. Nonononono! NO! KYLIE!" Sobs soon wracked his body as he clung for dear life to the wrist of his best friend. This was not happening. It couldn't be. _It just couldn't be! _

And then the ambulance arrived.


	2. Chapter 2 Moving and Mates

**A/N: **Special thanks to islashlove and an anon. known as Ina B for reviewing^^

To Ina B: Keep in mind it's really only AU in the sense that I changed the time. Considering the show aired in the '90s, he would have been in high school in, like, what? The early '80s? It's just easier to write it as if it were more recent. If I kept the same time frame, he wouldn't have had a cell phone in the previous part; nothing major is really going to change though. Everything was simply bumped back a few years.^^

Just one more thing: I'm sincerely sorry if I portray the school he attends poorly. I'm from Iowa; therefore I know nothing of the school he's attending in Minnesota.

Again, read, enjoy, and review if the notion strikes ya. ^^

* * *

_Part Two – Moving and Mates_

Jesse knelt next to a marble gravestone with a sigh. "It's been three years, Kylie. Funny how much things change in such a short amount of time, huh? We both thought we'd get to walk across that stage together at Commencement, now neither of us will. I'm moving, Kylie, leaving in just a few minutes for Maple Grove. My mom got a job offer at a private practice, and, since that's kinda what she always wanted, she couldn't turn it down. It's definitely gonna be different there, in a big city. Nothing like here. ...Just one more thing that didn't turn out like it was supposed to..." He paused, sighing.

"Jesse? We need to get going!" his mother called from her position standing next to the car.

"Guess this is it. Guess I'll see you someday, Kylie." He slowly stood, took a step back, then turned and walked away from the stone.

"You okay, kiddo?"

"Fine. Let's just go." Jesse shuffled around to the passenger side and climbed in as his mother climbed into the driver's seat.

The majority of the long drive was passed in an almost palpable silence. Jesse was long lost in his thoughts; his mother didn't interrupt, sensing he needed time to think and probably wouldn't respond with more than he had to, anyway.

She had known from the start that the seventeen-year old certainly wasn't thrilled about changing schools - especially not half way through the first semester of his senior year. When he had first started school, he had been exceptionally shy. Even though as he grew older he became more outgoing, he still certainly hadn't made an abundance of friends in such a small town where everyone was either your best friend or your worst enemy. And the death of his best friend hadn't helped matters at all; in fact, it had simply made it all the worse. After the accident, Jesse had pulled away from everything and everyone. He had stopped running altogether - for both his school's cross country team and its track team. One by one, his friends had given up and walked away. By the end of his junior year, only Brent was left of his old gang, refusing to just let Jesse alone as he had eventually requested. She sighed inwardly. The coming months weren't going to be easy on either of them.

Especially since Jesse never wanted to talk to her about anything anymore. Yes, she realized and acknowledged that this was typical teenage behavior. But his silence still worried her to no end. He had, after all, used to talk to her all the time about everything; unfortunately, that was before Dane walked out and his best friend was killed in front of his eyes - when she hadn't been quite so busy with her work at the hospital. Those two events, within a week of each other, had taken their toll on the young teen. Hence why when they had left, Jesse had had only one friend left and had never taken back up the sport he had loved most. But, perhaps, with this move, it would allow both of them to leave the last few years behind and move forward.

As they entered the city limits, she finally broke the silence. "Have you given any thought about joining the track team at your new school?" Jesse shot her a funny look. "Could be a good way to make new friends..."

"Except that track isn't until the spring. And don't say cross country; the season's pretty much over. Not to mention the fact that I haven't run since freshman year..."

"I still think you should..."

Jesse scoffed. "Not a chance."

"Why not? You were so good!"

"Ever think that maybe I just don't want to? 'Cause I don't want to."

"And why is that? You used to love to run..."

"Yeah. I _used to. _Past tense."

"So why don't you now?"

Huffing, he turned back to the window. "I. Don't. Want. To. End of story."

"Alright, it's your choice." A moment later, she pulled the car off the interstate, and, after a few more turns onto steadily growing-quieter streets, pulled into the driveway of a two-story, brick house, a lake faintly visible through the trees on the opposite side of the street. "Here we are. Home."

"Yeah," Jesse mumbled to himself sarcastically. "Home..."

* * *

She didn't force him to go to school the remainder of the week, allowing him to get settled and help unpack the rest of the house as well - a fact that Jesse was immensely grateful for. For the first four days, everything seemed to be so much better than it had been previously. Maybe this move _had _been a good thing after all; his mother didn't seem nearly so distant, lost in her work. Jesse felt that the first night the two of them had had an actual, real conversation - something that hadn't happened since his so-called father walked out on them. Everything had been so strained after the divorce that every conversation had somehow managed to escalate into an all-out argument. It had come to the point where the two of them had eventually stopped trying. But now? Now maybe everything could go back to the way it had been before - well, as much as was possible, anyway.

But then came Monday morning, and Jesse had to get back to school.

Jesse sighed, staring despondently at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His shaggy blond hair refused to cooperate - not that it ever really did - and stayed a mussed mess on top of his head. He sighed again. Who really cared anyway, right? He turned and left the bathroom, heading for the stairs. If he didn't hurry, he'd be late for his first day at this rate - even if it would take less than ten minutes to get to there.

A little over five minutes later, Jesse pulled into the student parking lot at Maple Grove Senior High School and cut the engine, gazing around at the other students milling about. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped out into the chilly, autumn air. A few students cast a glance in his direction, but it was instantly clear they had no intention of approaching him; and, he figured, the glances were probably more at the sight of the car he pulled up in - his black, '96 Ford Mustang GT Coupe stood out like a sore thumb among the older, beat up cars and pick-up trucks. 'Great,' he thought. 'Just great. I look like a stuck-up, rich kid... How am I supposed to talk to anyone when they're already forming opinions against me? ...I don't even know where I'm going...' As he entered through the main doors, he got lucky - straight in front of him was the office.

"Uh, hi," he spoke softly to the woman behind the front office desk. "Uhm, I'm new here? I was told to report to the office when I got here..."

The woman sighed, and, in a none-too-kind tone of voice, answered, "Name please."

"Uh, Jesse Travis."

"Have a seat," she returned uninterestedly, all the while returning to something seemingly more important on her computer screen. "The principal will be right with you."

He smiled slightly in thanks - though he was sure she neither saw it nor cared - and took a seat. Ten minutes later, the warning bell for the first class of the day rang. Twenty minutes after that, he was still waiting. That was when Jesse realized it was going to be one long, first day.

* * *

Jesse collapsed onto the living room sofa with a sigh. Sure, he got out of classes earlier here than at his previous school, but he would have much rather been back there! At least there he had still had one friend; here, no one wanted anything to do with him. By the time he had gotten to class, word was already out that he was some stuck-up, rich kid. Having a sporty little car did nothing to help him when everyone else was driving old, beat up Chevy's from the '70s. He had gone the entire day with people whispering behind his back about 'the new, rich kid.' No, the remainder of the year was certainly not going to be easy.

And it certainly didn't help any that the school itself felt like a prison. At first, he'd thought maybe it wasn't going to be so bad. As the day wore on, however, the stark, bare walls and mostly windowless rooms started to feel less and less welcoming - just like the students who inhabited them and wandered the halls. Jesse wasn't sure he would be able to stand eight whole months in this school.

With another sigh, he pulled himself to his feet and wandered into the kitchen to grab a Coke. There, on the bulletin board next to the fridge, was something he had dreaded to see. Pinned to the cork was a note written on light blue stationary. Pulling it down from the thumbtack's grip, he slowly read the message.

'Jesse: I'll be working late tonight. Yes, I know it's my first day, but it simply couldn't be helped. Make sure to get yourself some dinner. Love, Mom'

_It couldn't be helped... _ 'Yeah,' Jesse thought bitterly, reading those words for a third time. 'That's what you always say...' He crumpled the note and tossed it down on the counter top. 'So much for things being different here... I was such a fool to believe that anything could ever change! Her job has always meant more to her than I ever did!' He desperately pushed down his feelings of despair and anger as he exited the kitchen, grabbed his school bag, and took the stairs two at a time up to his bedroom. For once in his life he was actually glad to have an abundance of homework.

* * *

The week passed rather uneventfully, the other students in his classes basically ignoring him. Really, he supposed, that was better than being bullied by them. He hadn't seen much of his mother all week, either, her work at the clinic, once again, overshadowing his existence. He would have thought that by now he would be used to it, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt any less than it had before. Between the two circumstances, he had, by the end of the week, resigned himself to the fact that he was going to be alone for the remainder of his high school days. But, unfortunately for Jesse, Fate had a cruel sense of humor.

Physical Education had just ended for the day, and Jesse, along with the other students in his class, were back in the locker rooms changing back into their normal clothes. Jesse was just pulling his grey t-shirt over his head when another student came up next to up him, leaning against the lockers.

"So, Travis. Where ya from?"

Jesse was stunned to silence for a moment. Anyone had yet to say two words to him thus far. "Uhm. Small town. 'Bout three hours north of here."

"Really. How'd ya get that fancy car then? What did you do? Steal it?"

The hair on the back of Jesse's neck stood on end. They'd been talking for all of half a minute, and he already didn't like this guy. "No. I didn't," he spoke evenly; getting defensive would only make them think he was lying. "My mom's a doctor. Even in a small town you get paid a hefty salary."

"So you really are just a spoiled rich kid, then."

Jesse struggled to keep his anger in check for a moment. After all, he'd had to work hard for that car – for everything he'd ever gotten really. "Hardly. I had to pay half for that car." He picked up his bag and made to start for the door when an out-stretched hand stopped his advance.

"Whoa, slow down, Killer. I'm not done with you yet."

"Yeah? Well, I've had quite enough of you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to get to class."

"You can go when I say you can go, squirt. And I haven't said you can yet, now have I?"

Jesse clenched his teeth. Just when he thought things couldn't possibly get worse, it seemed he was back in junior high again. Being small certainly had its disadvantages – including people thinking he was the perfect target for bullying. He didn't know why he had thought it should be any different here; every year he'd always had someone wanting to push him around. "I have nothing to say to you."

Andrew thrust his fist into his other hand. "Oh, really. I think you'll change your mind in a hurry…"

"Cut it out, Andrew," a deep voice spoke harshly from behind. Jesse and his tormentor – Andrew, he now knew – turned to face this new comer. Muscularly built with dark hair cut in military fashion, the guy was at least ten inches taller than Jesse and looked like he belonged on the defensive end of a pro-football team.

"Really, Riley?" Andrew sneered. "You're really gonna stand up for this little punk?"

Riley. Jesse recognized him now. He sat in the row to Jesse's right, two seats in front of him in his Literature class. And he _was_ on the football team's defense – first string varsity, he'd overheard.

"Just get out of here," Riley sneered back. "You know going up against me is a losing battle. Move on out, you and your little posse, before I decide to tell Coach Anderson what _really _happened to the new track hurdles last spring."

"You wouldn't do that!"

"You wanna bet on your practically promised varsity spot this spring?"

Obviously Andrew didn't as he and his posse grabbed their bags and hastily exited the locker room.

Jesse sighed in relief. "Hey, thanks…"

He shrugged, picking up his bag. "Don't mention it. Andrew and his little gang… They like to prey on people they consider 'inferior' to themselves – which is pretty much everyone. But a little blackmail can go quite a long ways."

The two boys walked out of the locker room in silence, but, a few paces down the corridor, Jesse's natural curiosity got the better of him, and he couldn't help but ask. "So, uh, what exactly _did _happen to the new track hurdles last spring?"

* * *

"So, you run track?" Riley asked over lunch later that day. Somehow all of his buddies had ended up in either the lunch before or the lunch after his, so, up until that point, he had travelled from table to table, wherever there happened to be an empty spot and people he knew. Now, though, he and Jesse were sitting at an otherwise unoccupied table in the corner of the cafeteria.

"Nah. Well, not anymore, anyway."

"Why's that?"

Jesse shrugged. "I used to love it, but… I don't know. I haven't run since my freshman year –even then it was just cross country; I dropped track that year."

"Oh." Riley seemed to take Jesse's answer for what it was and left it at that. After a moment, Riley spoke again. "So, you told me earlier that you moved here because of your mom's job, right?" A nod in response. "What did your dad think about that? Having to find a new job and all…"

Jesse scoffed softly. "I'm sure he couldn't care less."

"Why's that?"

Jesse fidgeted uncomfortably. How much did he really want to tell this person, whom he'd only met a couple of hours ago? Then again, Riley _had _stood up for him; that hadn't happened since he was in the third grade. "He's not exactly around to care… He walked out on me and my mom three years ago. Haven't heard from him since."

"Boy, that's rough." Riley paused, taking a bite out of his chicken patty sandwich. He chewed thoughtfully on it for a moment. "So that would have been during your freshman year…"

Jesse shrugged. "So?"

Riley shrugged back. "Just thinking out loud." Another pause. "You should go out this spring."

"Why?" Jesse asked incredulously. "I just told you, I don't run anymore…"

"We could always use another good runner, and don't say you aren't fast enough – I've seen you sprint in P.E. And you can't tell me you just don't love to run anymore. It's just one of those things where either ya still do, or you never did."

Jesse sighed again, averting his gaze. "I just… don't want to. That's all. I… I really did used to love to run, but…" He shrugged, his words trailing off. "I'm just not motivated to anymore, I guess."

"And this happened the same year that your dad walked out. Don't suppose there's some kind of connection, huh?"

Jesse almost laughed. "What are you, some kind of shrink?"

"Nah," Riley chuckled. "My dad is, though… Me? People say I'd make a good one 'cause I'm observant and can make connections between things and such…"

"That what you wanna do after graduating?"

Riley shrugged. "Don't know. Maybe. I've already committed to play ball for UCLA, though, so anything and everything is an option, but I have been thinking about being a lawyer. You?"

Jesse shrugged. "I'm not sure yet. My mom keeps pestering me about going into medicine, but…"

The two ate in silence for several moments, before Riley returned back to the original topic of conversation. "You don't run anymore because of your dad, don't you?"

Jesse was taken slightly aback. "You just don't give up, do you?"

"Nope. Now answer the question."

"Look," he sighed, clearly agitated. "A lot happened freshman year, okay? I don't wanna talk about it."

"More than just your dad walking out?"

"Yeah, so? What's your point?"

"You ever talked it through with anyone?"

"What does it matter?"

"It matters 'cause whatever happened caused you to stop doing something you love. I know enough from my dad's line of work that that's not a good thing."

"Yeah, well, I think you would, too, if your dad walks out after he promises to take you to a game and then a week later, you witness your best friend's death, alright?"

"You witnessed your best friend's death?" Riley asked quietly, a note of concern evident.

Jesse glanced away nervously. He hadn't intended to say anything about that. After an awkward moment, he finally answered quietly. "Car accident. Got hit by a drunk driver."

"I see," Riley answered hesitantly. "I'm sorry…"

"No, you don't see," Jesse retorted almost before the other teen had finished his sentence. "She was the reason I joined my old school's cross country team in the first place. I decided I loved to run after that and joined track. Dane – my dad – he was actually really proud of me, made an effort to make as many meets as possible. After what happened, I had no reason left to stay on either team… Dane obviously didn't care as much as he made it seem, and, well… I already told you what happened to Kylie… Look, I don't need your sympathies or your pity, alright?" He stood up to leave.

"I'm sorry if it seems that way." Jesse stopped dead in his tracks but didn't turn back to face Riley. "I just… You seem so lonely and depressed whenever I see you. I'd like to help if there's any way I can."

"Yeah? Well, there's not. So just keep your nose out of my business." Jesse turned and walked away, dumping the remainder of his lunch in the garbage before heading to his next class upon hearing the bell ring. That certainly hadn't been a conversation he'd wanted to have, but what was done was done. He just hoped that Riley wasn't like another friend he'd had at one point – one who had learned a great deal about him and then turned around and stabbed him in the back with that knowledge.

He survived through the remainder of his dreary classes and stopped by his locker to discard his text books before heading home. As he opened the small, metal door, a piece of folded paper fell out, landing at his feet. Jesse shoved his books inside and closed the door again before bending down to pick up the wayward sheet. It had only been folded once and had nothing written on the outside. Unfolding it revealed a messily scrawled message.

'Jesse: Keep the faith. It may not seem like much is going right, but, when you hit rock-bottom, the only way to go is up! "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." –Khalil Gibran…. Riley'

Jesse sighed as he pocketed the note. The football player was the second person to tell him to have faith. The other had been three years ago, told to him by someone very near and dear to his heart while she was on her death bed. Perhaps there was something to what they were saying. And, just maybe, he wouldn't be spending the rest of his senior year alone after all.


	3. Chapter 3 Track and Truth

**A/N:** Special thanks, once again, go to islashlove for reviewing, but also to ElodieKumari94 for getting me out of a rut or two (you have her to thank for this not taking longer than it did…) ^^ As always, I don't own anything… Well, except the plot of course. And Riley. I'll gladly claim him. ^^

Uhm, this part is religious. I'd say I'm sorry if it offends you, but I'm really not. I shouldn't have to be sorry for something I write. I can't promise this'll be the last of it, but it certainly won't be to this extent ever again. Don't like it, then don't read it; even if you skip this part, the rest will still make sense, don't worry.

Read, enjoy, and review if the notion strikes ya!

One last thing! While I do know exactly where this is going and how it's going to end, if there's something you'd like to see included, let me know! I can always add it in somewhere if I like it. ^^

* * *

_Part Three – Track and Truth_

"Jesse!"

The blonde glanced up to see Riley, a big grin stretched across his face, coming towards where he sat in the grass, his back against a tree, water bottle in hand. "Hey, Riley," he replied cheerily.

"That was some race, man!" Riley congratulated, plopping down beside his friend. "Those other guys had nothin' on you! Two seconds into the race, I knew you were gonna win!"

Jesse grinned back. "Thanks, I guess. I'm just glad you talked me into joining the team. I'd forgotten how much I love to run – how much I missed it."

"I'm sure Coach is pretty happy, too," Riley chuckled. "With you on the team, he didn't have to put Andrew on Varsity. Coach never really liked Andrew much, but you kinda have to put the best on Varsity…" He paused, glancing up towards the bleachers. "Oh, hey, there are my parents… Be right back!" He stood as he spoke and quickly closed the distance between where he'd been sitting and his approaching parents.

Jesse felt a pang of jealously as he watched Riley's parents embrace their son. Once upon a time, after all, that would have been him. He remembered a track meet his eighth grade year; both of his parents had managed to make it in time to see him run his events. They had been so proud of him that day – or at least his dad had been… He turned away, not being able to bear the sight any longer. After another moment, though, he pasted on a fake smile as he heard his friend approaching again, this time with his parents. He stood. "Hi, Mrs. Clark. Mr. Clark."

"Congratulations, Jesse!" Mr. Clark thundered. "That was quite the race! …Actually, all of them were quite a sight… What in the world is your old school doing without you?"

A genuine smile replaced his forced one. "Well, I actually didn't run at all in my old high school…"

"Really? What a shame…" Mrs. Clark lamented.

He shrugged – then remembered something. "Mrs. Clark? Is my mom still around here somewhere? I saw her sitting with you before my first race…"

"Oh," she sighed sadly. "I'm sorry, hunny. She got a call right after your first race started and had to leave. She said it was an emergency…"

'Always is…' he thought bitterly, his spirits falling drastically. But all he said was "Oh."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know it's probably not any consolation, but I know she would have been proud of you. You did so well, after all; who wouldn't be?"

"Thanks," he spoke half-heartedly. "I guess I just hoped that… Well, since this is the only home meet…"

"I know, sweetheart… But maybe she'll be able to make an away one…"

"Maybe." Jesse once again offered a half-hearted smile. 'Not a chance…'

"Well," Mr. Clark spoke after a moment of tense silence. "Do you need a ride, Jesse? 'Cause I think we're gonna get going…"

"No. Thank you, though. I drove myself here."

"See you Monday, then, Jesse." Riley turned with a wave and followed after his parents.

Jesse sighed, picking up his duffle bag. Six months after moving to Maple Grove and it seemed as if nothing had changed like his mom had promised. She had said that this move was a chance for them to start over, maybe to get along better than before. So much for that. She was so busy all the time Jesse was practically convinced that he could die and she wouldn't notice until a week after the funeral.

Nothing had changed. And Jesse was getting tired of it. He was tired of being ignored, tired of always being second to her work. He was tired of being alone all the time, tired of fending for himself.

Quite simply, he was tired of everything.

* * *

The track meet had been early enough that Jesse was home in time for lunch – not that it really mattered. If he had eaten at the meet or if he ate at home, either way, he was still on his own to come up with something. As he entered the kitchen, he noticed the flashing red light on the answering machine: Someone had left a message. Absently, he hit the play button on his way to the fridge.

"Hi, Jesse; it's Carmen," a feminine voice started. "I was just wondering if you would be able to work on our Lit project tomorrow. I just talked to Riley, and he can, so just give me a call. Thanks."

He thought for a moment. Yup, nothing going on tomorrow. He'd call her after he had gotten something to eat to say that, yes, he could make it. But right now all he wanted was food. As he started putting his sandwich together, a second message played.

"Hi, Jesse; it's just Mom." He sighed. She was probably just calling to say she was going to be late again. "I'm going to be late again tonight, so I probably won't see you 'til tomorrow. I love you, Jesse. Bye." Bingo – he'd called it again, but, considering that was the only reason she ever called, it wasn't much of an achievement. And, he noted, she hadn't said a word about missing his track meet. Not that he'd really expected her to say anything. He wasn't nearly as important to her as her job was, after all. He sighed, biting into his sandwich.

Just another way in which nothing had changed.

Nothing would ever change. That was a fact Jesse had long resigned himself to. But that resignation didn't mean it didn't hurt. Every time his mom had to run off on some 'emergency'… Every time she missed something because she'd had to work… Every time she broke a promise, it hurt a little more.

"I'm not really the religious type, but, God, if you're out there," Jesse whispered into the silence, "then just tell me one thing: _Why? Why_ did Dane walk out? _Why_ is my mom always too preoccupied to notice? I don't understand, God. _Why me?"_

* * *

_Two Months Later_

"Jesse? Earth to Jesse? Hello in there?" Carmen stated, waving a hand in front of his face.

"Huh?" Jesse jerked up slightly, surprised. "What?"

"Where did you go? I asked you a question…"

"Oh. I'm sorry. Just lost in thought, I guess. What was it?"

"I was just asking how you know if an alpha particle or a beta particle is emitted… But now, I must say I'd much rather know what's going through that head of yours. It's not like you to space off – especially when the Chemistry final is coming up in a few days…"

"Well, the way you tell is –."

"Don't give me that crap, Travis."

"You asked…"

"And then I decided I didn't care nearly as much about nuclear chemistry as I care about what's going through your head. I'll even give you a penny for your thoughts. C'mon, Jesse. Something is obviously bothering you."

He sighed. "Just thinking about college, that's all…"

"I thought you decided to go into the medical field after all."

"I did." He shrugged.

"So what's the problem then?"

"My mother, that's what."

"Uh-oh. What now?"

He sighed. "I got accepted to UChicago back in December."

"Jesse, that's great!" she exclaimed excitedly. "They have one of the best medical programs in the US. And that's where you were hoping to get into, wasn't it?" A pause. "…Or, considering that this is the first I've heard about this, is it a not-so-good thing?"

"My mom doesn't want me to go there. She wants me to go where she went."

"Ah, Jesse. I'm sorry." Carmen shrugged. "But I still don't see the problem. It's your choice, after all. If you wanna go to UChicago, then she should respect that."

"Yeah, but she doesn't. _That's _the problem…"

"I'm sorry, Jesse. I wish I could do something… I know you and your mom don't always see eye to eye…"

He scoffed. "Try: We _never_ see eye to eye."

She sighed. "Have you tried explaining your reasons for wanting to go there to her?"

"Only a million times," he spat. "She won't listen. It always ended in yelling so I gave up after a while…"

The two friends lapsed into silence for a moment before Carmen asked a question that had been bothering her for some time. "Your mom… She's not really there for you much, is she?"

"No. She's not. She never has been, either. I've pretty much taken care of myself since Dane walked out…" He almost laughed. "Ya know, she said everything would be different here. And I was stupid enough to believe that. …I'm so tired of this…"

"Have a little faith, Jesse. You'll get through this. You'll go on to med school and make a name for yourself. You'll look back on all of this and think how trivial it all was."

He scoffed. "'Faith?' Faith disappeared when my so-called father walked out and my best friend was killed in front of my eyes. Maybe I got a little bit of it back with the move, but it didn't last long. It only lasted until the tension between me and my mom returned. If there is a God out there, he sure as heck doesn't care about me. If He did, none of this would be happening."

"We can't always understand what He's doing… That's just the way it is. All of this may not make sense to you, but it's all part of His plan…"

"Yeah. Sure," he scoffed. "I used to believe that…"

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe all of this is happening to make you stronger, Jesse? You just have to have faith to get through it… Maybe you're destined for something great; maybe this is the only way to get you where you're supposed to be."

"Yeah, I'm so sure," he responded sarcastically as his mind wandered back to his last conversation with Kylie. '_Don't give up, Jesse. You can still be something great.' _ He shook the thought aside. "Just leave it, Carmen. I'm done talking about this."

She sighed exasperatedly, and, after a tense moment, returned to studying. "So… How do you tell if an alpha particle or a beta particle is emitted?"

* * *

_Jesse sat outside on the front porch of his house. It was a beautiful spring day – one that he and Kylie couldn't possibly pass up. A red Toyota Corolla pulled up on the street, an eager, thirteen-year old Kylie bounding out of the passenger side door, roller blades in hand._

"_Hey, Jesse!" she exclaimed excitedly, coming up the steps. The instant she saw the look on his face, however, that excitement turned to concern. "What's wrong?"_

"_When is anything ever right?" he scoffed._

_She sat down next to him on the swing, her skates coming to rest on the wooden slats that made up the base of the porch. "What happened this time?"_

"_Just a stupid argument… That's all…"_

"_About what?"_

_He sighed, resigned. There was no point in trying to hide anything from Kylie; besides, he wasn't sure he even _wanted _to hide anything from her. She had been the first true friend he had ever known, after all. She knew more about him than his own parents – not that this fact was surprising since neither of his parents seemed to be around much anymore. They tried, but… "I… I just got mad at them… For missing the meet yesterday… They both promised, but neither of them came. I know their jobs are important, but what about me, Kylie? …I'm sorry. I know that sounds selfish… And that's why we fought…"_

"_It doesn't sound selfish to me. They _did _promise, after all…"_

"_Yeah, well, that doesn't seem to matter to them… But why am I surprised? _I _don't matter to them."_

"_That's not true, Jesse-."_

"_Oh, yeah? 'Cause it sure feels that way… They're never around. Nothing I could ever do would be good enough for them. Let's face it, Kylie: _I don't matter to them! _I don't even know why I try anymore! Maybe it would just be better if –."_

"STOP IT!_ That's not true, Jesse Travis, and you darn well know it!"_

"_Hark who's talkin'…"_

"_It's not the same thing, and you know it."_

"_Really? Pray tell, how 'it's not the same thing!'"_

_She didn't say a word, only fixed him with a look that said it all. It _hadn't _been the same thing, and he knew it. But it would certainly be better than trying to live through this Hell he had been subject to for so long. When she spoke next, her words surprised him._

"_Get your act together, Travis. You can't let other people dictate how you live your life. Other people can only control you if you let them. Other people can only make you feel worthless if you let them. You don't have to bend; that's a choice. You don't have to let people define you – not even your parents! Do what _you _love; you don't have to be what they want you to be. Just be _you! _If that's not good enough for them, then forget about what they think! Don't let your parents stop you from being yourself, Jesse. If you change for them now, then you'll change for anyone in the future in order to please them. And when you do that? That's when you lose yourself… That's when everything turns truly hopeless in your mind, and there is no way to get back to where you started. Have a little faith in yourself, Jesse; have a little faith…"_

The dream faded out, Kylie's words lingering in Jesse's mind. _Faith._ Maybe there was something to it, but Jesse just couldn't see whatever it was anymore. And yet… Even though she had spoken those words to him over three years ago, he could still see the truth in them, could still remember the hope they had brought him then. Kylie had been right then, and she was still right now. He couldn't let others run his life. He would still try out the medical field, like this mother wanted, but he would be trying it out at UChicago.

No matter what his mother said about it.

* * *

"Mom."

She spun around startled, almost flinging out the contents of the bowl she was stirring: She had been making pancakes when Jesse had made his sudden appearance. "Jesse! You're up awfully early for a Sunday morning."

"I've been awake for a while, actually. I need to talk to you."

"Oh? What about?" She turned back to the bowl and the now-hot griddle she began to ladle batter onto.

"I've been thinking, and, well, I've come to a decision about college this fall. I'm going to UChicago. I don't care if you want me to or not; it's my choice, not yours."

She turned back around, a slightly angry look on her face. "I thought we had discussed this, Jesse. You're going to -."

"No, Mom," he interrupted. "_You _decided and wouldn't even hear me out. If you really want me to go into medicine, I don't see why you're so opposed! UChicago is a top ten university for medical study. They only accept so many per year into the program, and _I got in! _That right there should be reason enough for you to let me go!"

She held up a hand to stop her son's tirade. "That's enough, young man. I don't want to hear another word about this."

"Then tell me you respect my decision – 'cause that's where I'm going this fall, regardless. I'm sending them my acceptance letter tomorrow."

"I can't stop you," she spoke, anger evident in her tone, as she returned to her pancake-making. "You're an adult now, and, you're right, it's your choice to make."

He sighed. "Thank you." Though he knew she was angry – and would more than likely stay angry for quite some time, he didn't regret his decision. He had never been able to live up to her expectations in the past, so why should this be any different? He wasn't even sure he could make it as a doctor… At least this way, he would be far enough away that he wouldn't have to see her face full of disappointment if he didn't even make it through pre-med.

After scarfing down several pancakes, Jesse stood, placed his plate in the sink, and turned to leave. "I thought maybe I'd go for walk." He paused in the doorway. "Is that okay?"

"Oh, so _now _you want my approval!" she spoke bluntly. "I don't care what you do with your Sunday morning, Jesse. I'll be headed into work later, anyway."

* * *

Jesse shoved his hands deeper into his jacket pockets as he ambled down the road. 'Curse this spring weather!' he thought miserably. 'One day the weather's perfect, the next it feels like the middle of December again!' He sighed, vowing that he would _not _stay Minnesota any longer than he had to – or any of the mid-west states for that matter. Summers were nice, it was true, but winters were what Jesse imagined to be Hell freezing over in comparison – drastically different, in other words.

He followed the curve in the road, unsure where exactly he was walking towards. He just knew he had to get out for a while. Being in the same room as his mother when she was angry with him was unthinkable; being in the same house, unbearable. He just needed something to do until she went in to work. His mood brightened slightly despite the weather, however, at the reason why she was angry with him. He had finally made some head-way, after all. She had agreed to let him go where he wanted for college – that was something, at least.

Ducking his head into the wind, his spirits fell again. Now he just had to survive in the medical field. Then, maybe – just _maybe _– she would finally be proud of him. His dad had loved the fact that he was a track star; his mother, not so much. Of course she had been happy enough for him when he did well in a race, but she didn't care much about athletics. Therefore, his success certainly didn't leave her anything to be truly proud of. That fact was still true now, too. She hadn't said two words about the meet since she had gotten home the night before. No apology for having to miss it, no wondering questions about how well he had done. Nothing.

He sighed again, turning down a random street. Vaguely he wondered if his success in the medical world would even be enough to please her. Nothing had ever been enough, after all; she always wanted more –_ expected_ more – out of him. He had never been good enough for her, had never been able to live up to her standards. Long ago he had convinced himself that even if he had managed to have a 4.0 GPA that it still wouldn't have been enough; she still would have asked him why he didn't have a higher one. He knew she just wanted the best for him but, in the past few years, that want had become almost more than he could handle.

But he didn't tell her that. He didn't really tell her much of anything anymore. When he had actually tried, it had felt like talking to a brick wall. She was always too busy to listen, yet expected more than he could give. The whole situation seemed horribly backwards to him. Then again, what in his life wasn't the opposite of what if should be? If everything was right in the world, Dane would still be around more than the money he not-so-discreetly deposited into Jesse's bank account every month. If everything was right in the world, he wouldn't have had to watch his best friend die. If everything was right in the world, he wouldn't have been a victim of bullying for as long as he could remember. If everything was right in the world…

He shook his head. It certainly wouldn't do any good to start wishing for that now. All he could do was try to make the best of it. But how? How could he do that when he felt as though he had no purpose – no worth – in life? He would thank his mother and Andrew and Drake and James and a number of others for that. He would thank them for all the years of belittlement and insults, for every single thing they had ever done that had put him in his current mindset.

But then there were Kylie and Brent. Both of his old friends had believed in him; they had never given up on him, even when he had given up on himself. And now he had Riley and Carmen, filling the rolls the previous two had left open when he had come to Maple Grove. But they had more in common than just that: By some twisted turn of Fate, they all seemed to like to tell him to have faith. Brent had always been inviting him to youth activities at his church; Kylie was always telling him to have faith in himself and his abilities. Here, it was very nearly the same. Carmen was a devote Christian; and Riley, the ever-faithful friend.

He stopped for a moment, taking in his surroundings, trying to pinpoint exactly where his feet had taken him while his mind had wandered into another time. Houses to his left, a divided highway separating him from them, a larger building to his right with a parking lot in view. A sign in front of the building spoke volumes.

_Maple Ridge Church  
__Services 9:00AM & 10:30AM  
__Jon Parks, Senior Pastor  
__Coping in Challenging Times, Part Three: Have a little Faith!_

"All right, God," he muttered. "I think I get your point…"

* * *

Jesse slid into a pew at the back, hoping to remain as unnoticed as possible since the service had already started. To his relief, the few people who spotted him only smiled warmly, briefly, before returning all attention to the pastor standing on the platform at the front. How he had ended up in a church, he had yet to comprehend. He had stood in front of the building for some time, puzzling as to whether or not he should really go in. The last time he had been in a church on Sunday, he had been about ten years old. In the end, however, he had decided that, just maybe, it was Divine Intervention that had led him here on this particular morning.

As the man began to speak, Jesse realized he hadn't shown up quite as late as he had thought. "Let's open the service in a word of prayer, shall we? Father, God. We come before you today and ask for understanding of Your word. Let hearts be open to what you have laid on me to speak about this wonderful morning, and let lives be thus changed by what is heard. In Your Glorious Son's Name, Amen.

"Faith. As Christians, we tend to use that little word a lot. Actually, everybody seems to use that word a lot. So what exactly does it mean?" He shifted a paged on the podium in front of him. "I took the liberty to use the World Wide Web to collect a few sayings that describe how the world sees faith. Here's a popular one: 'Faith is believing in what you can't see.' I must say, I don't completely agree with that one at all. In terms of having faith in God, you can see Him everywhere you look: Anything that lives from the tallest trees to the smallest organisms reflects God's presence. So, given that we can see God all around us, that definition is out. Here's another one: 'Faith: Not wanting to know what is true.' It doesn't take a genius to figure out what's wrong with that statement.

"Now, I could go on and on about worldly definitions that just don't work, but that's not why I'm here, and that's not why you're here. So what is faith? Well, by dictionary definition, it is the confidence or trust in a person or thing, a belief in anything – such as a code of ethics or standards of merit, or a system of religious beliefs. But let me tell you, folks, true faith is so much more than a definition.

"Faith is what brings us through the hard times. It's a sincere trust that God has it all figured out, and, though we can't always see what He's doing, we trust that there is a purpose behind what is happening. And we never stop believing that something good will come out of our suffering. Though we may never see that good thing, we simply trust that God has a reason. We won't always have all the answers to our suffering, but sometimes having faith means living without all the answers…"

* * *

"After the Holocaust, this poem was found in a Jewish hiding place:

'_I believe  
__I believe in the sun  
__Even when it is not shining.  
__I believe in love  
__Even when I cannot feel it.  
__I believe in God  
__Even when God is silent.'_

"So much faith in that one statement, people. When everything appears to be at its darkest that doesn't mean that God has looked away or chosen to ignore our suffering. Even if it seems like He's not listening to our pleas, He hears when our hearts break, and He knows when we feel like we can't go on any longer! When we can't find the words to say, He still hears our prayers, still knows our pain!

"If you don't hear anything else I've said this morning, hear this: He _will not_ give us more than we handle. He will help us through our worst suffering – He _wants_ to help us! – but we have to being willing to trust Him. He hasn't promised us that we won't suffer in this life, but He has promised that our pains are not in vain and that they won't last forever. When we suffer, Christians, it is not cause to _lose_ faith but, rather, to hold onto it all the tighter!

"You're never alone, Christians – not with God on your side. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or even within the next year, but it will get better. Those times when it feels like He's silent or that He's absent, that's when He is the closest to us! He knows we can't do this on our own, but, if you put your faith in Him, He will carry you through it all!"

A brief pause. "To sum it all up with a quote – because you all know how much I like quotes – 'Often when we lose hope and think that this is the end, God smiles from above and says, 'Relax, sweetheart! It's just a bend, not the end!' And that is completely true! No matter what happens in this life, we can have assurance that the best is yet to come! Everything that is happening now, eventually we will look back at it and think about how trivial it all is in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes He uses unbearably difficult situations – the loss of a loved one, perhaps – to get us where He wants us, to get us where we can do the most good to help others. God works all things together for good for those who love Him. One day all of this will be over; one day we will be where there is no more suffering. But until then, have a little faith."


	4. Chapter 4 Rain and Reminiscing

**A/N:** Special thanks to islashlove for always reviewing, but also to Daisyangel for reviewing. You guys make my day! ^-^

Many apolgies for this taking so long. I've been working my butt off trying to get end-of-the-year crap done for school. I still have one final test to take, but I'd much rather work on this than study for that! ...That's also why it's slightly shorter than normal...

Once again, slightly religious. Not nearly as much as last chapter, though.

_Italics are flashbacks._

Read, enjoy, review if the notion strikes ya ^-^

Originally this part didn't exist. Therefore, if any of you have something you'd like see, I'm open to suggestions and very flexible. ^-^

* * *

_Part Four – Rain and Reminiscing _

Jesse turned his jacket collar up as he stepped out of the church building and into the rain. But he didn't really notice the cold drops as they hit his face; he was too absorbed in his own musings to give them much more than a cursory thought. Sighing, he started back the way he'd come a little over an hour before.

It had felt so _strange _to be back in a church again. When he was younger, his father had insisted on his presence though his mother couldn't have cared less one way or the other; she had never been one to attend, always conveniently having to work on Sundays, it seemed. When their marriage started going south, however, even his father had gradually stopped going. As a result, Jesse hadn't been to a Sunday service in over five years. He had thought that if it was no longer important to his father then it didn't really matter. Sure, he still believed in God and all that; sure, he'd been in a church once in a while since – always those teen rallies Brent had invited him to – but he simply hadn't bothered to go back, preferring to use his Sunday mornings to catch up on sleep. After so many years, he had felt out of place sitting there in a pew. Especially since he didn't feel like God cared about him anymore.

And yet… He couldn't seem to shake this feeling that he _belonged _there. For the first time since his father had left, he had actually felt at peace with everything. For the first time in a long time, he actually felt _hope_. And no amount of cold rain running down under his collar and sinking into his shirt could take that feeling away.

But, he had to wonder as he ascended the porch steps, how long would he be able to hold onto hope this time? He guessed only as long as it took for his mother to become disappointed in him or for another argument to appear over nothing. And yet… What had that pastor said? _"Faith only fades if you let it." _Always easier said than done, he lamented to himself.

He sighed, reaching into his jeans pocket for his house key – only to lift out a handful of lint. He peered through the narrow decorative window to one side of the door and spotted what he was looking for on the table in the entry way: His house key lay innocently on the surface, taunting him. "How in the world did I manage to leave without it?" he groaned. And, judging by the absence of the cherry-red Porsche, his mother wasn't around to let him in either. He sagged down onto the porch swing that was, thankfully, dry. "Well," he mumbled to himself, "I could always call Carmen or Ryan. Except for the fact that my phone is in my room…" He let his face fall into his hands. "Why me?" he found himself asking no one in particular. As he sat unsuccessfully contemplating what he could potentially use for a lock pick, he couldn't help but let his thoughts drift back to another rainy day a few years before….

"_I don't believe this. I just don't believe this," his father muttered furiously as the rain beat down on the roof above their heads._

"_What's wrong, Dad?" twelve-year old Jesse asked as the two stood on the front porch of their house._

_He sighed. "I can't believe it, Jess, but I think we're locked out. Your mom's at work, and somehow I've managed to misplace my key. So much for a fun outing, huh? It's too wet to do anything outside, and now we can't get in, either. I'm sorry, Jess. Today wasn't as much fun as I had planned."_

_Jesse shrugged and sat down on the porch swing. "It's okay."_

"_No. No, it's not." Dane sat down next to his son. "This is the first day in a long time I've gotten to spend with you, and who knows when the next one will be. And God had to go and laugh at my sad attempt to be a good dad." He chuckled mirthlessly._

_Jesse shrugged again, pulling his knees up to his chin and wrapping his arms around his legs. "Maybe God's got a better plan than a baseball game?" he suggested half-heartedly._

_His father chuckled lightly. "Maybe. Who am I to question Him, huh? Though I'd sure like some kind of sign as to what He had in mind."_

"_I don't know," Jesse muttered after a moment of silence. "I kinda like just sitting here, talking to you…"_

And they had talked, Jesse remembered. They had sat there on the porch, listening to the rain pound the porch roof, and talked all afternoon, right up until the point his mom had returned from work. That day had been one of the best he'd ever spent with his father. He sighed, wishing for all the world he could get that afternoon back. To be able to just sit down and talk to a father he hadn't seen in years… For everything to be the way it was when he was younger… Back before the divorce…

A crash of thunder crackling loudly around him successfully pulled the teen from his miserable reverie with a jolt. Taking a deep breath, he pulled his knees towards his chest, wrapping his arms around his shins. Settling his chin on top of his knees, he watched as the lightning flashed over the lake across the street from the house. He'd never much cared for storms – still didn't really. That Sunday with his father it had only been raining just hard enough to cancel the high school baseball game they had been going to see. Rain he didn't mind; thunder and lightning, he didn't care for.

_Jesse's campmates stood at the door of the small cabin they would be sharing for the week, watching the lightning flash in jagged patterns in the sky over the lake. The counselor laughed lightly as a clap of thunder had the group of eight-year olds jumping in surprise._

_The mattress of his camp bunk sank slightly as someone sat down next to his curled form. "C'mon! You're missing the coolest lightning I've ever seen!" a childish voice chirped._

"_No, thanks." Jesse kept his eyes closed, not wanting to invite the other boy into his private world. Even as the silence ensued, he could feel the other boy eyeing him, but he still wasn't willing to look back. He just wanted to be left alone, didn't want the humiliation he knew would follow if anyone knew he was afraid of storms._

"_It's okay if you don't like storms, ya know." Jesse looked up at the other boy in surprise. He certainly hadn't been expecting that. "I'll keep you company if you want." Jesse slowly nodded. "I'm Brent, by the way."_

Not all storms were bad, Jesse supposed. After all, if it hadn't been for that storm the first day of boys' camp he might not have ever become friends with Brent – or any of the other kids in his cabin. Brent had started up some card game that Jesse could no longer recall, and, after ten minutes, everyone had joined in on the fun. Some of those boys had remained his close friends for many years. Right up until everything turned sour and he had started pushing them all away. Only Brent had tried to hold on through it all.

"_Alright, man, what's wrong this time?"_

"_Don't know what you mean, Brent," Jesse innocently brushed off, slamming his locker closed a little harder than absolutely necessary._

"_Don't play coy, man; I know you better than to believe that bull. What happened?"_

_Jesse sighed impatiently. "Nothing happened. I'm fine." He turned and started for the doors._

_Brent fell into step beside him. "Uh-huh. Right. You need to take acting lessons, Jesse. Or learn a new way to say 'I'm fine,' 'cause that's what you say when you're _not _fine."_

"_Look, I don't need this!" Jesse pulled to a stop abruptly, anger evident in every feature, his stance, his voice. "Just leave me alone, Brent!"_

"_Not. A. Freaking. Chance. In. Hell." His face remained impassive. "You know I can't do that, Jesse. I can't just let you suffer alone. You've been through enough – first with your dad, then Kylie. I'm not just gonna walk away and pretend like it's all okay – like it's back at that first year of boys' camp. I just can't."_

"_I said to get out of my face, Brent," he spat. "Leave. Me. Alone."_

_As he turned to leave again, he felt a strong hand wrap around his wrist, gripping it tightly, causing him to wince slightly. An equally firm voice backed up the action. _"No."_ Jesse whipped back around, glaring daggers at his best friend. But Brent wasn't intimidated. "I won't leave you alone, Jesse, whether you like it or not. You're just gonna have to get used to me 'cause I'm not going anywhere."_

Jesse sighed guiltily. If he ever saw his old friend again he would be sure to apologize for being such a jerk and to thank him for not walking away when everyone else did. If he had… Jesse shook his head; he didn't want to think about that. When he'd fallen into the black abyss of despair, Brent had been the only thing keeping him sane. But had Jesse thanked him? No; he had lashed out with words and tried to push his only friend as far away as possible. But Brent had stayed around anyway. Jesse had to wonder at that fact. If someone had treated him as badly as he had treated Brent, he certainly wouldn't have stuck around long.

He sighed, glancing at his watch – it was just past one o'clock; his mother wouldn't get home until at least five – but probably closer to seven or eight. The storm was starting to pitter out, but he still had no way to get side. Unless… No, he couldn't possibly be lucky enough for that window in the back to be unlatched. …Could he? He stood up, descended the porch steps, and headed around to the back of the house. Finding the window with the difficult latch that opened into his mother's office, he pushed up on it. He smiled as it lifted. Thanking God for once that he was small, he managed to maneuver his body through the opening and into the house. This certainly wasn't the first time he'd crawled through a window. More than once he had snuck out of his bedroom at the old house by going out the window and climbing down the tree that stood outside. He had gotten back in the same way, too. He hadn't in long time though; there was no tree outside his window here. And, he thought to himself, he wasn't sure he would anymore anyway, not after the last time. He pushed the image of the accident to the back of his mind. He really didn't want to go down that path right now.

He wandered first up to his room to change out of his damp clothing then back down to the kitchen to rustle up something to eat. As he bit into a sandwich, he glanced at the wall calendar. Graduation was just a week away, he realized. It seemed unreal to him. He felt as if it was just yesterday when he first set foot in his old high school with Kylie and Brent and the rest of his old gang. And now? Nothing was as he had always thought it would be. So much had changed in the last few years.

And yet, he thought bitterly, at the same time _nothing _had changed.

He shook his head against the thoughts invading his mind. Here he was, letting the very thing he was continually battling – despair – take over again. And he was slowly losing the fight. Again.

"_Jess? I thought I might find you out here…" Dane sat down on the grass next to his son. Jesse sat leaning against a tree in a park near their home – his favorite spot to go when he needed to get away. "You okay, Jess?"_

_He shrugged. "Fine. Why are you even here?"_

"_I came to get you for the weekend, remember? Your mom told me you were down here. Said something about you angrily storming out?"_

"_She doesn't listen." Jesse shrugged again. "She never does. Nothing new about that."_

"_What were you trying to tell her?"_

"_Nothing," he snapped. "It's not important."_

"_Obviously it is if you're angry over it," Dane stated gently._

"_Why should I even tell you? You're not around anymore than she is! After all, walking out isn't usually the best way to say you care."_

"_Jess…"_

"_Don't." Jesse stood up, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets. "I'm not going with you this weekend or any other. Tell Mom I'm going over to Brent's if she cares."_

He hadn't gone over to Brent's, though – at least, not right away. He had wandered around the pond in the park for a good hour at least before heading in the direction of his friend's house. But he never went in. He stood there in front of the house for a while before turning around and going back to the park. The last thing he had wanted was company. The only thing he had wanted at the time was a way out, some way to _forget_. He had given in to despair then, and he felt it creeping in again now.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. It had certainly taken less time than he had thought for his hope to turn 180o around. He felt what little light there had been being smothered by darkness. How long could he gone on like this? He was fighting a losing battle, he knew, and it felt like there was nothing he would ever be able to do to turn it around. Despair was taking over his heart and mind; would it ever go away? He wasn't so sure it would. _So much for faith._

* * *

"Alright, I think that's everything." Jesse's mother sighed, closing the trunk of the car she had rented to help move her son to his college dormitory.

"Thanks for driving all the way down here. I know you're still not thrilled that I chose UChicago."

"Yes, well, it wasn't my choice to make. I just hope you're happy here."

"I'm sure I will be…"

"I need to be getting back," she spoke, wrapping him in a brief hug. "Good luck!"

He hugged her back. "Thanks." They waved goodbye as she pulled out of the parking lot before Jesse turned and headed back up to his third floor dorm room. When he entered, he found that his roommate had arrived.

"Hi!" the student greeted amiably. "I'm Jake!"

He smiled. "Jesse." The two shook hands. "Nice to meet you."

"You, too!

Two hours and quite the number of cardboard boxes later, the two had finally finished unpacking. Jesse was laughing at a story Jake was telling about a camping trip he'd been on once. It would seem that the two had hit it off as instant friends.

"I just couldn't believe my dad would ever push someone in a lake!" Jake laughed. "Especially when it wasn't me or my brother!"

"Sounds like something my dad would've done," Jesse chuckled, plopping down on his bed.

"So tell me about your dad," Jake spoke, sitting down in his desk chair. "Sounds like they'd get along great!"

Jesse shrugged. "He walked out on me and my mom four years ago. Not much to tell."

"I'm sorry to hear that, man."

He shrugged again. "Not the end of the world." An uncomfortably awkward silence followed but, a moment later, was broken.

"So… What are you here for?" Jake asked, casually changing the subject.

"Pre-med… Well, _technically _since I can't major in pre-med, I'm here for Biology, but…"

"What made you decide on that? Personally, I could never do it. Don't tell anyone, but when we dissected frogs in science class one year, I about puked… I just can't poke around something's insides…"

"That's only what surgeons do… There are plenty of other medical professions."

Jake shook his head. "I still don't think I could do it. …So what make you decide on that?"

"Well," he sighed. "At first I was just going to in order to make my mom happy. But then…"

_Jesse watched hopelessly as the paramedics pulled out the limp body of his friend, her brother, and another teen whom he recognized as Sam Mitchel – another senior who should be graduating in June and now wouldn't be; the fourth person he didn't recognize. How could the world be so cruel? Three lives gone – just like that in the blink of an eye. And he couldn't do anything but stand there and watch it happen. If only he had been able to do something to save Kylie… But it was too late now to anything but wish._

_And all the wishes in the world wouldn't bring his friend back._

"…After the accident, I decided I would like nothing better than to save lives. I wasn't sure – I'm still not sure – if I'll actually make it, but I'm gonna try. For Kylie's sake, more than anything else. Maybe, if I can manage to have a little faith, I just might make it."


	5. Chapter 5 Failing and Fading

**A/N:** _Writer's Block._ I _hate_ writer's block. And this case just had to be the absolute worst ever. I couldn't work on this or any of my other fanfics. Bah. Which is why it took forever to update. And why I don't particularly like this chapter. I think I rewrote parts of this at least ten times. Probably more. It's been a long time coming… Although, I do like how the end turned out. Just not so much the beginning and the middle. But I am at a loss as to how to fix that.

I don't know anything about internships in the medical field. I also know nothing about medical school. I tried to find out the basics, but even the basics aren't really that basic. Therefore, I apologize in advance if you know more than I do and something is drastically wrong.

Once again, Italics are flashbacks. Except in the beginning where it's an internet chat conversation.

* * *

_Part Five – Failing and Fading_

Jesse collapsed onto the couch in the apartment he shared. "I don't think I'm gonna make it…"

His roommate glanced over from where he was sitting at his desk paying bills, raising an eyebrow in question. "Whadaya mean?"

"Orals start tomorrow. I'm gonna fail, Jake, I just know it…"

"This may seem like a stupid question, but then why don't you study if you don't think you're gonna pass?"

"Where do you think I've been for the last three hours? Kendra, Scott, Mitch, and I have been down in the student center on campus going over every single note from the last four years plus anything we could dig up from pre-med, even though most of that didn't help. My brain is completely fried…"

Jake chuckled. "This from the guy who told me he didn't think he'd make it through pre-med and passed at the top of his class. You'll be fine, Jesse."

"I sure hope so," he sighed.

"So, have you found an internship yet?" Jake asked, changing the subject.

Jesse sat bolt upright. "Oh, man! I've hardly thought about it!" He allowed himself to fall back again as his roommate laughed. "Crap!"

"Ya better get on that. You only have a semester left after all."

"Don't remind me! Ya know, what if I don't even graduate this spring? What am I supposed to do then?"

"You don't have to worry about it, Jesse. You _are _gonna graduate."

"You don't know that. Heck, I might not even make it past Orals tomorrow!"

With an exasperated sigh, Jake stood and crossed to where Jesse had tossed his bag when he'd come in. Picking up a green notebook, he flipped to a random page and read: "Okay, Mr. I-think-I'm-gonna-fail-but-I'm-really-not. I'm probably gonna butcher the pronunciation of this but, what are the symptoms of a 'transient ischemic attack?'"

"It's _definitely _evident that you aren't a med student, Jake…"

"What even_ is_ that?"

"Uhm, it's kinda like a stroke… A lot of the symptoms are the same, too."

"Oh. See, Jesse? You knew that one; you're gonna do just fine."

Jesse raised his head from where it laid, a skeptical look on his face. "I'd be big trouble if I didn't know that one considering I had it on Orals two years ago."

"My point exactly!" he stated, trying to convince Jesse he'd known that all along. "If you remember something from two years ago, you'll remember everything from last year and this semester, too."

"I'd better. It's kinda bad to not know how to diagnose something when you're a doctor."

Jake opened his mouth to reply, thought better about it, and closed it again. After a second, he said, "Okay, fair point. I'm shutting up now while I'm ahead."

Jesse thumped his head back down. "Hate to burst your bubble, but you were never ahead, Jake."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He plopped back down into his desk chair. After a moment in which he pretended to go back to filling out checks, he spoke again. "Ya know, if you were really serious about going out to the coast, I just thought of something that might interest you…"

"Really?" Jesse returned uninterestedly.

"Yeah… You remember I told you about my adopted cousin who went into the medical field? Well, she went to UCLA and absolutely loved the internship she got into down there."

"Yeah, but there's one small problem with that: It's in California, and we're in Illinois. UCLA students probably take precedent."

Jake turned back around to face his roommate. "Actually they don't." Jesse lifted his head. "Apparently it doesn't matter to the doctor in charge. While most of them are from Los Angeles, Amanda knew someone from a college in New York and someone else from a college in Florida. And, being in the top of your class… You've got a good chance if you really wanted to go out there."

"I don't know, Jake… I mean, I _would _kinda like to go back to Cali, but…"

"Then what's holding you back?"

Jesse sighed. "Nothing, I guess… Do you think…?"

"I could get ya the paper work? Sure thing! Amanda still works at Community General Hospital, so all I have to do is ask."

"I owe you one…"

Jake chuckled. "It's more than one thing you owe me, but, hey, who's keeping track? I'll shoot her an email right now." He pushed his papers aside and flipped open his laptop. After a moment, he spoke again. "Oh, hey. She's actually online right now. I'll just pull up a chat room." Jesse stood and moved to his friend's side, reading over his shoulder as he typed.

_JJ: Hey, cuz! =D  
__Amanda: Don't call me that. What do you want this time?  
__JJ: What makes you think I want anything?  
__Amanda: Because I know you, Jake. You only talk to me when you want something or at family reunions._

Jesse barely stifled a laugh.

_JJ: Okay, I do need a favor…  
__Amanda: I knew it! Fine, but make it fast. I've got a dead body that needs my attention._

"What?" Jesse asked in startled confusion. "A dead body?"

"Well, she is a pathologist…"

"Oh."

_JJ: Actually it's not even for me. It's for a friend.  
__Amanda: Just tell me already!  
__JJ: Does CGH still have internships?  
__Amanda: …Yes, but the deadline is coming up pretty soon. Your friend is cutting it pretty close.  
__JJ: Never mind that. Could you get me the paper work for him?  
__Amanda: Nope.  
__JJ: What? Why not?  
__Amanda: Because if he really wants to get in, it would make a better impression if he called Dr. Mark Sloan and asked for it himself.  
__JJ: Can I at least get the number from you then?  
__Amanda: I guess._

Jesse grabbed a pad of paper and jotted down the number on the screen. "Tell her thanks for me. I'm gonna go call right now!"

_JJ: Jesse says thanks. And that he's gonna call right now. Though I don't think I had to tell you that last part...  
__Amanda: Anything else?  
__JJ: Uhm… A million bucks?  
__Amanda: Good luck with that! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a dead body that is far better company than you are. (Amanda is now offline)_

Jake chuckled as Jesse re-entered the room. He turned his attention to his friend. "So?"

"He wasn't in," Jesse sighed. "I'll try again later. But, for now…" He plopped down on the sofa and pulled out all of the notebooks containing his notes from past years. "For now, I have to get back to studying or it won't matter if I'm accepted into an internship."

* * *

Jake was sitting at his desk, munching on a bag of Doritos, when Jesse came in and collapsed onto the sofa upon his return to the apartment the following day. "I'd ask how Orals went, but you look pretty miserable… You okay?"

"Oh, yeah," Jesse sighed sarcastically. "Just peachy!"

"That good, huh?"

"Let's just say I might as well not call Dr. Sloan back 'cause I'm not gonna need the internship starting this coming summer."

"You're exaggerating."

Jesse sat up and stared his roommate in the eye. "I _blanked, _Jake. There is no feasible way I passed that test. I completely _blanked._" He allowed himself to collapse back onto the cushions as a palpable silence filled the room. "Face it, Jake," he muttered after a moment. "I'm a failure. I'm never gonna be worth anything…"

Jake could feel an angry heat seeping up from under the collar of his shirt and into his face. They had had this conversation a few too many times already for Jake's liking and here it was again. "Don't even go there, man. You already know what I'm gonna say about this."

"Then don't say it… It's not like it's going to make a difference anyway."

Jake sighed. "Jesse…"

"Can it!" he snapped. "I'm done with this conversation!"

"Well, I'm not!" Jake rose from his chair. "And I never will be until I convince you that you're worth more than you've convinced yourself!"

Jesse, an impassive look descending upon his face, rose from the sofa and headed back towards the door. "Good luck with that, Jake." A bitter edge laced his tone. "And while you try to convince me, I'm going out."

"Jesse…!"

He held up a hand. "Just stop, Jake. Just stop and give up like I have." As Jesse closed the door behind him, he vaguely heard Jake mutter, "I'll never give up. No matter what you say."

* * *

Jesse drove aimlessly around the streets of Chicago for over an hour before eventually winding up almost back were he'd started. Even though it was December, he clamored out of his car, heading down a walkway in a park that overlooked Lake Michigan. It wasn't the first time he'd been there; the park wasn't far from campus, and, on more than one occasion in the first few years, he'd gone running on the trails. In the warmer months of the year, the trails were packed. Now, however, Jesse found himself almost completely alone as the bitter winds of winter whipped around him.

He sighed, stopping and leaning on a railing that was the only barrier between him and the lake. Everything was falling apart _again. _ It always seemed to work that way, he mused. Everything he would work to build would always fall down, right before he succeeded. Nothing ever worked out right…

_Everything was ready. Thirteen-year old Jesse had worked relentlessly helping his mom to make his dad's favorite cake and to the wrap the presents – one of which he had made himself. Everything was perfect. _

_Or at least it should have been._

_When his father had returned home from work, he looked as though the whole world deserved his wrath. After he had explained – in great detail – everything that had gone wrong that day, he succeeded only in making everything just as horrible for his family as it felt for him._

"_Maybe some cake will help?" his mother suggested gently. "It's your favorite. Jesse worked hard on both that and his present for you."_

"_Not now," Dane grunted._

"_But, Dad," Jesse tried. "Everyone has cake on their birthday. I mean, you shouldn't be mad; not right now. You should be happy…"_

_Dane leveled a glare at his son. "I. Don't. Want. Any. What's so special about birthdays anyway? It's just another damn day on the calendar!" He turned full force on Jesse. "Don't you be tellin' me to be happy! I have every right in the world to not be, birthday or not! It's just another damn day! You hear me, boy? You hear me? I don't want no damn cake, and I don't want no damn presents! I don't care how damn hard you worked on it! It's all shit!"_

His father had stormed out of the room after that. The following day Dane had apologized, but that didn't take the sting out his words. Apologies never did, after all.

"_Hey, kiddo," Dane spoke through the screen door of the front porch. "You ready to go?"_

_Fifteen-year old Jesse leveled an icy glare at his father. "We were supposed to leave yesterday. I didn't think you were coming… _Again."

_Dane sighed, running a hand through his tousled hair. "I'm sorry, Jess. Something came up at work, and I couldn't get away. You know how it is."_

"_And you couldn't call?"_

"_I was… busy. C'mon, Jess; let's just forget about the lost day and get going, huh? The fish are waiting!"_

He sighed. Nothing worked out right. They were supposed to go camping for four days – three after his father came a day late. They had only been at the cabin for a few hours before Dane had gotten a call; in the end they hadn't gone fishing at all. And all the apology had done was to further diminish his trust in his father, the words that were meant to comfort only biting deeply and painfully into his heart.

"_Jess, I really am sorry about our trip…"_

"_Save it! If you really still cared about me then you wouldn't have cut it short!"_

"_Something came up…"_

"_Yeah, something always does! You don't care about me; face it: you never did!"_

"_Jess, that's not true!"_

"_Really? 'Cause I'm having a hard time believing that!"_

"_Jess, please, just listen –."_

"_No, Dad; I'm done listening to your excuses! I'm not worth anything to you!"_

Jesse flinched at the memory. He'd never been worth much in his father's eyes; he'd never been much in his mother's eyes, either, for that matter. And now? Now he would be worth even less to her. What good was he if he couldn't even pass one, simple exam?

"_You _failed _your history exam?" his mother nearly shouted. "How in the world did you manage that? You've always been so good when it comes to history!"_

_Fifteen-year old Jesse shrugged. "So I didn't study as hard as normal. It's one test; big deal."_

"_It _is _a 'big deal,' Jesse!" His mother sighed exasperatedly. "What do I have to do to motivate you to get your grades back up? They've slipped so much this past school year. What is going on with you, Jesse?"_

_He shrugged again. "Maybe I'm just not as smart as you like to think."_

"Excuse me, young man." Jerked from the memory, Jesse turned his eyes from the water to see who had spoken. Standing next to him was an older gent – late 60's he guessed by the mop of white hair on the man's head – dressed in faded pants and an overcoat so worn it bordered on tattered; worn gloves covered his hands, earmuffs on his ears – definitely the sight of homeless man if Jesse had ever seen one in this city. "Are you all right?"

Jesse was surprised to say the least. Why would this old guy have any interest in his well-being? "I'm fine."

"Really?" the man asked. "'Cause you don't see many people out here in December enjoying the view. It's a little bit chilly, after all."

"I'm from Minnesota. Cold doesn't bother me much."

"Well, just thought I'd ask. The way you were staring out at the water like that, you'd think someone had just killed your cat or something."

"I don't want to talk about it," Jesse sighed. "Especially not to you – no offense."

"Oh, none taken. You don't know me after all." He paused. "Look, I don't know you; you don't know me. But at least take some advice from an old man who has been a lot of places and seen a lot of things in his years. Whatever is troubling you, son, don't give up. I heard it said once that, everything will be okay in the end; if it's not okay, then it isn't the end. In all my years, nothing has proven truer than that."

Jesse gazed at the man skeptically. "Really. And how is life ever gonna get better for you, huh?"

To Jesse's surprise, the man chuckled. "Because I know that when I die, I'm going someplace so much better than here!"

"Well, good for you. At least you can't hit more rock bottom than you already have; even death wouldn't be worse. And, hey, I've tried the whole 'faith in God' thing, okay? So don't even go there. It just doesn't seem like he cares much about what I'm going through."

The man turned as if to leave. "It looks to me like you need to stop telling your God how big your storm is, and start telling your storm how big your God is. Believe me, kiddo, He cares more than you know." He started off down the path. "_You _just need to have a little faith. If you let it fade, it's impossible to see His plan. Faith, son, is all it takes."


End file.
